


Finland

by LunaDeimos



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 22:12:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4454300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaDeimos/pseuds/LunaDeimos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finland may be the sweet and kindhearted little man you see up there in the north. <br/>Or he may be your worst nightmare. <br/>Most likely, he is the latter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finland

Timo woke slowly to a soft chirping outside his window. It was a fine day. The skies were clear, the sun was gently caressing the earth with her loving rays, the birds were chiming so gently.  
So of course he wanted to destroy it all.  
Last night's paperwork was overflowing on Timo's already stuffed desk, and completely covering his laptop. His boss was throwing reports at him left and right with tight deadlines, and it didn't help any that he had EU business to deal with. New reforms kept him up late at night.  
There was a loud sound right outside the Finn's open window. Why was that open? Someone had come in his room last night, because Timo couldn't remember opening the window before going to bed. This was a direct violation of his room rules, and someone would pay. Later.  
He slowly raised his head, and squinted. There was a bird on his window sill. There was a damned _bird_ right there.  
 _Don't you fucking dare,_ the Finn thought, clutching the sheets angrily. The bird seemed oblivious to this impending doom however. It opened it's beak, and started screeching loudly.  
Timo glared at the awful creature straight from hell.  
"Shut uuuuup" he hissed, feeling his anger and hatred rising slowly. The bird paid him no mind, and kept screeching. It even made a little dance on his window sill. This was getting personal, and this hell spawn would not survive much longer.  
Finland sat up slowly, and growled out a fierce "Get out" as one last warning for the awful being that was tormenting him and his sleep ridden body. The bird stayed where it was.  
The short Finn rolled out of bed and ripped open his weapons cabinet, retrieving his trusted rifle.  
He turned so violently, he smashed the cabinet with the butt of the rifle and it fell over, making even more noise and fueling the short man's anger like gas on an open flame.  
Nothing could stop him now. The bird was going to disappear, and not with its life intact. This was all that awful creature's fault!  
He ran at the window and slammed his leg on the window sill as he took his aim. He could see the bird trying to fly away, trying to save it's precious life.  
"Not today, you disgusting shit!" Timo yelled as he pulled the trigger, and watched in great satisfaction as the hell spawn fell to the earth below. He glanced out of the window and was happy to see the damned thing hanging awkwardly over the fence around the Nordic household.  
In a slightly better mood, the Finn decided he would get some coffee before entering paperwork hell again. He desperately needed fuel.  
He looked around his room. Clothes were lying all over the floor and he had forgotten which ones were clean. Timo tried to find some that were not smelling, he really did. But the search was fruitless. He would have to walk down in his underwear.  
 _At least I'm not going anywhere important today_ he thought grumpily and opened his door.  
  
He hadn't walked far, only down the hall and down the stairs, before he heard anxious voices. _Great, more hell spawn_ he thought as he heard the voices of Denmark and Iceland.  
"Oh god, was that a bird?" came the boyish voice of Iceland, the youngest.  
"Third one this month.." followed the characteristic high voice of Denmark, the elder Nordic.  
"You would think they stopped coming here, with all the carcasses and skeletons of the other birds" he continued.  
"They're birds, moron. Birds don't think. Kinda like you, actually. Are you sure you're not a bird?"  
"That's mean. You're mean. Just like your brother."  
"I have no brother, what are you talking about."  
These morons were up before him? What time was it anyway? Especially if Iceland of all people were awake and dressed. Hell, the slight smell of roses suggested he had even showered! What was today?  
Timo stomped down the last two steps and turned the corner, coming in direct contact with the two idiots staring out the window.  
Denmark spotted him instantly and turned towards him with a radiant smile. A smile that reminded Timo of the sun outside, and how happy and awful everything was around him. Then his thoughts went to the bird, and how awful it had acted, and he immediately felt anger again.  
"Morning Timo!" Denmark yelled happily. He never developed an inside voice.  
"Are you laughing at me?!" Finland hissed back at him. Denmark's smile dropped. He had just spotted the typical looks of insanity on the shorter man. His eyes were narrowed dangerously, his mouth drawn in a frown, barring teeth, in nothing but his underwear, a rifle in his hands.. How that went unnoticed was beyond the Dane, who tried desperately to back away from the Finn while holding his hands up in front of his chest.  
"You look..um.. a bit sleepy? Haha.. yes" He stammered, gaining the attention of the youngest Nordic.  
"God you keep getting stupider, Mikkel." he commented before spotting Finland in the corner of his eye, and decided he should leave immediately.  
"Where are you going?" the eldest stammered hysterically as the Finn closed in on him and grabbed the front of his shirt.  
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean, huh?" he growled through gritted teeth. His eyes glinted with malice.  
"Eirikur, help!" Mikkel tried desperately calling for aid, but was turned down by his only comrade.  
"No thank you. You can deal with that on your own, _King of Northern Europe_ " Eirikur mocked.  
 _Did he refer to me?_ Timo thought. _Did he just call me "that"?!_ He was sure he had woken up to something evil today, that had to be it. But evil or no, he would not stand here and be mocked by mere babies.  
Oh no, he would educate these hell spawn. You do not fuck with the Republic of Finland. Especially not before he has his coffee. So he set out to hunt the Icelandic boy, dragging the huge offending Danish moron with him by the ear.  
  
The hunt, it turned out, was not much of a hunt at all. Iceland had just moved to the couch and sat down with a small sigh. He seemed so calm, so at peace.  
That was not allowed. Not when Finland was so angry and felt so mocked and awful. No, the little offender would feel his wrath. He grabbed the boy's arm and dragged him over to the kitchen, ignoring all the protests and excuses the boy tried to fling at him. He obviously understood how angry Timo was today. He didn't even dare to comment on the birds or the rifle that was now slung over his shoulders by the strap. No sir.  
The Finn pushed the two in the kitchen and stared them down.  
"Make me coffee, or so help me I will unload a round on your asses" he yelled and grabbed his rifle again. The two hurried around, but there was an obvious problem when they started frantically looking around the cupbords. He could see Mikkel sweating.  
"What's the holdup?" he spoke again, watching in slight satisfaction as the two flinched.  
Denmark turned slowly and moved one step to the side to show him the empty cupboard.  
"There..there is no coffee.." he stammered, and Iceland sat up on the counter and hugged his knees in fright.  
He was right, there was no coffee anywhere in the kitchen. What was going on today?  
First there was that horrifying bird, then the annoying family and now there was no coffee?!  
He was about to explode in anger, but the sound of footsteps halted his actions, and he turned around.  
In the doorway, stood a sleepy Sigurd, barely managing to keep his eyes open. His hair was a wavy mess and his curl seemed to dip a bit more than normal. His clothes seemed to hang off him and he blinked a few times before yawning, then blinking another few times before he seemed to realize people were staring at him.  
He stared back, from the frightened Iceland, to the frozen Denmark, and finally to the insanely angry Finland.  
Of course. Norway. He had to be the one who drank the last of the coffee. That evil fish eater had taken the last coffee!  
"You!" Timo growled, and he could hear Denmark and Iceland shuffle close to one another, possibly also embracing each other in fear.  
Norway blinked and tilted his head, pointing at himself in silent question.  
"You took the last of the coffee!" he bellowed.  
Norway's eyes widened to a size Finland had never seen before and he stood paralyzed with dread before he ran out. Timo was after him on a second, rifle left behind in favor of speed. He would catch the coffee snatcher.  
Denmark was praying for his friend, and Iceland immediately took out his phone from his pockets and updated his Tweeter.  
They could hear panicked screeches from Norway in the hall and around the couch in the living room.  
"I didn't take it!"  
"Like hell you didn't, you coffee stealer! You are all in this together!"  
"In what together? I just woke up you lunatic!"  
"Just for that I will make your punishment worse!"  
"Arrgh! Get off me!"  
  
Björn came home to two cowering Nations in the kitchens, muttering religious chants and quoting a certain passage from the movie _The Exorcist._ He gave them an inquiring look, but the two just shook their head, and Denmark pointed to the couch where several thuds could be heard. With no real choice in this matter, Sweden decided to inspect before someone died.  
He poked his head out of the kitchen in time to see the remaining Nordics on the floor. Finland had Norway in a choke hold, sitting on his stomach, while Norway was frantically kicking and hitting Finland in the head, trying to get away from the angry man.  
Sweden cleared his throat loudly and the two ceased their activities, staring up at the towering man with the scary face.  
"You were supposed to distract 'im" Björn muttered in his deep voice, shaking his head in disapproval. Norway looked even more confused, and Finland decided to let go of him and stand up so he could grab hold of this new offender.  
"What does that mean, huh?" he stood up on his toes, so he could stare the Swede directly in the eyes.  
"It means I was the one to drink the last coffee" Sweden replied and held up a white shopping bag. "I noticed too late and I went t' the store to get more. The plan was for Ice an' Den to distract you if y' woke up so y' wouldn't get upset." He paused slightly, watching Norway stagger and getting up slowly while rubbing his neck.  
"Clearly they failed." he grumbled.  
Finland stared at him for a few agonizing moments before he punched the taller in the head and took the bag from him.  
Sweden grumbled a bit and rubbed his head before extending a leg and tripping the Finn.  
Norway stared at him like he was insane and jumped over the back of the couch to safety. The Finn glared up at the Sweden before he growled out in a demonic voice. "Start running for your life".  
Sweden didn't need to be told twice, and he immediately ran out the front door with a near naked Finn on his heel.  
Inside, the other Nordics made coffee and sat around the coffee table in the living room.  
"Sweden is going to die."  
"Sure is."  
"You are so heartless, Norge!"  
"I got strangled because of you assholes. This is not how I wanted this day to start."  
"He has a point, you know, Dan.."  
"I always have a point. Now you can make it up to me."  
"And how am I doing to do that?"  
"You can hug me and say _'I'm so sorry storebror, I love you and I never wanted you to be subjected to this horror'_ "  
"I'm sorry and I never wanted you to be subjected to this horror. There, happy now?"  
"You didn't hug me or call me big brother"  
"Stop pouting! You can't make me say or do that!"  
"You two are so funny. Hey, should we maybe leave a fresh mug for Finland when he returns?"  
"That would be best."  
"Agreed."

**Author's Note:**

> A recent rewrite of the original "Finland is actually a crazy wildling" story I had collecting dust on deviantart.


End file.
